the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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