I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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