don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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