wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
