So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
