I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
