Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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