apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
