The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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