Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
