Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're a waste of cheezeits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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