Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone came in the potted fern
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
