I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize