Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
