I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
