DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
