I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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