If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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