One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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