ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
