he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
