wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
