I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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