i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
