My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
