Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
