So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize