Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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