My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
