I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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