Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
