The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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