Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
