Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
