did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize