Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
