Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
