Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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