i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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