yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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