he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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