I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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