my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
