I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
