If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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