Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
