Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
