You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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