My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
