ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
