You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize