Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
