idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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