nut hugger
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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