if i can run in heels then i can drive
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
