i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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