im six kinds of drunk right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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