There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize