I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
