Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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