i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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