I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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