google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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