sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
