The maid of honor just puked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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