threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How external is "for external use only"?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
