How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
