I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
