he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
