I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
