the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
