It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
